God has been teaching me so much in the folly of my own self and the peace that comes from being at rest with him. Here I have been so often worrying about little things like a cramp here or there or the fact that I was nauseous one day but not the next. I worried that maybe it wasn't a strong pregnancy.
Well, I was wrong. I got my second blood test back yesterday and my hCG jumped from 26.8 to 170.6! It was supposed to double and the new number is like 5 times the old one. How silly I am. Only because I know I'm pregnant do I worry, and I did not make this baby get here. God created you, little one. And only God will continue to craft your life.
"For YOU created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb." Psalm 139:13
It is the Lord who will do it all, and I am only ridiculous (and probably offensive to God) to worry about things. God is helping me let go. His patience is beyond anything I could imagine.
As far as pregnancy symptoms go, they are on and off. Every now and then I have headaches. Then, sometimes, I don't. Nausea has been very on and off, but it has mostly been off and very mild when on. It is still early, and I am aware that it probably won't kick in for me until next week or the week after. I have been so moody. Thank you, Lee, for putting up with my craziness. He is being so patient and so giving. Also, I have a sensitivity to specific smells. A kid opened a locker somewhere in the hall yesterday, and I smelled sweaty old gym clothes. I asked the other teachers if they smelled that and they didn't. It's only certain smells, though. It will probably be everything later.
Little baby bean, you are loved so much and your life has just begun.