Thursday, April 15, 2010


There has been a chain of events occurring recently that has me reflecting on relationships.  I am going to break this blog up into three parts because there are three different things I've pondered on when it comes to relationships recently.

1. Pay ATTENTION Ladies
Whenever the news media begins to hash out news about affairs, I often try to avoid listening to it at all costs.  It really hurts me to know that somebody is going through something so embarrassing, hurtful, and traumatic only to have all of the messy details of it displayed for all to see/hear so that news ratings go up.  It makes me sick to know that people can shamelessly report on that without feeling any sensitivity to the person suffering from this marital affair.  My heart goes out to those women.

However, even though I have made efforts to turn off the radio, look away from magazines, and change the television channel, there are little snapshots from these stories involving Jon Gosselin, Tiger Woods, Jesse James, etc. that I have noticed and it makes me want to take these women, shake them, and yell at them in their faces.  Every time, it is the SAME SONG AND DANCE!!!! Doesn't it get OLD?? The man has told some other woman that his relationship with the current women is "not working out" they are "getting divorced" or he makes elaborate plans with the new woman to "get out of the old relationship and into the new one."  DON'T THESE WOMEN PAY ATTENTION? HELLO!!!! He will say whatever he can to get whatever he wants out of you and then move on with his way.  If he could keep things the way he'd have them he'd have his wife and his woman on the side too! I can't believe these women keep falling for the same trick.  IT IS THE SAME THING EVERY TIME WITH EVERY ONE OF THEM.  Then, their excuse is, "Well, he's the bad one.  He lied to me.  I didn't know."  Sorry, lady, yes, you did know.  POINT BLANK: Stay AWAY from married men! Those women knew that, no matter what that man said he was married, and they should have stayed away.  They are JUST as guilty.

2. There will ALWAYS be somebody who could possibly sabotage your relationship if you let them
There is currently a song on the radio that I absolutely hate.  In fact my husband and I both hate it.  As I was riding along in his truck with him this past week, the song came on, he turned it down or changed the station and said, "She is always singing about this same thing every time!" I laughed and agreed.  The song, which I'm sure many other people have heard, is called "According to You."  Granted, I can't judge her personal relationship, but I think the song is bad news.  The main lines say, "According to you, I'm stupid, I'm useless, I can't do anything right.  But according to him, I'm beautiful, incredible, he can't get me out of his head.."  I do not condone abusive relationships and I think that you should get out of a truly abusive relationship.

BUT anybody who has just met you or doesn't know you can think you're fantastic. They don't see you on your good days and bad days in and out.  And I do believe that song has fed an idea that is hazardous.  People becomes dissatisfied in their current relationships and as soon as something seems better they fall for it easily.  My husband and I pledged "for better or for worse" and I pray we will remember that.

My parents advised me growing up that, when you are married, you do not go to a person of the opposite sex other than your spouse because that is dangerous ground. A couple of years ago, I read a book where a woman recounted a major mistake she made in her marriage.  She was going through an issue that her husband didn't understand.  So, she found herself talking to a male friend about these things and he seemed to understand so much better than her husband.  Soon, she felt as though he just understood her better, and she started wanting to go to him for more things.  Luckily, she snapped out of it and quit talking to him.  But she realized that she was playing with fire.  Since her husband didn't understand one little thing, it soon SEEMED like he didn't understand more and more things, which she realized was not true.  This other person was simply an idea.  

When I made my vows to my husband, part of that vow is that I am not going to go to any other man about something even if I feel my husband doesn't understand.  Because we will easily fall into that "but according to HIM" trap that can destroy even an amazing relationship. Nobody is perfect, and this leads me to my last point.

3. Contentment is Essential
On the phone tonight I thanked my husband for putting up with me because I know I can be difficult at times.  He replied saying that there is nothing to "put up with."  But I said, "I know I can get emotional sometimes and I know that I make mistakes on a daily basis.."  His answer was,  "Well, everyone does that."  He doesn't see me as anything difficult, but I know I can work on things.  I know I can work on being less emotional about certain things.  But I am thankful that he loves me in spite of it and doesn't see it as a thing at all.

In return, he thanked me for loving him in spite of himself as well.  Of course, I had a similar response because I didn't see those things in him as burdensome.  But he knows and I know that we both choose to see the positive in the other person.  Because anybody who will live with you and be with you day in and out for years will see the good, bad, and ugly. That person is a precious treasure in your life who we ought to cherish and be thankful for.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Growing Together

I strongly believe that, in a relationship, you can make two choices.  You either grow together or you grow apart.  I have been infinitely blessed by being able to grow together with my husband.  We do our best to work as a team and learn from each other as we can.  
Do I listen to him when he corrects something I do or makes a suggestion to me? Oh yes, of course, 100% of the time without fail I wish I could say that I did, but I do not.  Many times, I am so convinced I am correct about something that I cannot possibly see how he could be right.  Thanks to the grace of God, I often come around later on, when my emotions or pride are no longer blurring my vision, and I can see his point of view.  Sometimes, it takes me noticing something that another person is doing to realize when I was wrong.  Likewise, there are things that I want him to realize when I want him to realize them, but he doesn't.  But that's OKAY because I have faith that he will see certain things in time (which he has in certain areas) just as I haven't realized things he'd want me to realize right away.  
I believe that strong relationships have to take understanding and realizing the other person is just human.  ALL humans do things that are foolish and ridiculous.  That's why the Bible compares us to sheep! We'd run into our own trap if left to our own devices.  And I cannot tell you how listening to my husband and growing with him reminds me of that. 
 I will start talking to him about something and he will quickly stop me to say, "Rebecca, that's gossiping.  Why do you care so much about their lives?" And I will shut up and realize that I was wrong.  Other times, he will calm me down when I start to get frustrated or upset with a situation.  In the same way, I try to calm him down when he starts to get upset.  But, again, we are all human and we all will do these things.  The important part of it is to learn from them and thank God for his constant grace and patience with us.
Every day I pray that God will allow us to grow together and never apart.  I love my husband and I know he loves me.  Life WILL bring us challenges and we often will not get things the way we want them.  But having things the way you want them does not build character.  
The key to contentment is being happy no matter what you're matter what your circumstance.  Yesterday, I did not want to leave my husband.  I was SO HAPPY being with him nonstop and I had missed him so much while we were apart.  Yet, I knew the time had to come to and end as I had to go back to work.  I felt like just leaving my job so I could be with him.  But the thing is that certain things have to happen even if we don't want them to.  And I need to thank God for the things we are given as we're given them.  No amount of money, nice house, or situation brings happiness.  It comes in the heart.  I am remembering to be thankful for what I am given when I am given it.  And I am grateful to have a husband who grows with me.
Tonight, I was with my in-laws and they were talking about how much their son has changed in just one year.  They didn't know me awhile back, but they'd say the same thing about me.  My mom says that he and I complement each other well.  We do.  We have learned to grow from each other, encourage one another, as well as challenge one another regularly.  And I believe that is what has helped us to grow together as we have.
"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:12-13