Wednesday, February 29, 2012

What Really Matters

Today marks 1 week since I decided to step away from Facebook for Lent, and I must say that overall I feel good.  The closest I can come to describing how this feels is like going from eating so much junk food that you feel sick to eating healthy.  It just feels refreshing and good!

That said, I do not plan to be away from it forever and I definitely miss certain aspects of it.  I have friends who are expecting babies who are sure to deliver while I'm away from Facebook, and I am dying to see the pictures of their precious little ones.  I miss having other mothers who I talk to on a regular basis who provide me with encouragement and helpful tips.

But what I certainly do not miss is the very thing that led me to get away from it.  It was constantly reading about how things should be done. Or I would just have done something I was excited about with Gordon Lee only to see that somebody else had a reason to believe that it was "wrong" (in reality there was no right or wrong just different ways of doing things).  All of my excitement would begin to deflate upon seeing that, and there was simply no reason for it!  I DEFINITELY have noticed that not hearing or reading that garbage any longer has been great! We are enjoying him and I'm not thinking about comparing myself to other moms or needing to justify why I do things the way I do them.

I remember some article I had read from TODAY Moms awhile back.  I can't remember the topic because I read their articles a lot.   However, I do recall it being a very controversial topic that resulted in many women attacking each other saying, "Well I do things this way..." with a tone of self-importance.  Or they would say, "I feel sorry for the baby who..." In essence, attacking a mother because you feel sorry for her baby.  You might as well say, "You are a bad mother and I'm clearly better and more caring than you are." One mother came to the comments to say, "It is sad how we as mothers are always trying to one-up each other.  When one mom shares her story about a hospital birth another one comes along to say, 'Well I had a home birth' and continues to go on how she is clearly a stronger and better mother for it.  And it shouldn't be that way! We shouldn't be trying to one-up each other or comparing what we do.  We should be lifting each other up in the struggles we ALL face no matter how we parent, and we should be encouraging knowing it is a challenge." I really liked her comment and I myself had discovered how I was frequently feeling a need to defend my decisions or say, "Well I do it this way." Seriously, who cares? It doesn't matter, and what it leads to is an attitude of self-importance as if you are somebody special just because you are a mother.

Yes, you are somebody special in a way.  I'm not downplaying the role of a mother.  But none of us is the be all and end all because we are mothers and making decisions for our children.  And no way we do things gives us any more importance than other moms or makes anyone better or stronger.  And if we think we are, we are way too focused on ourselves.

So, yeah, that's what I LOVE about being away from it all.  Most of my time is spent focusing on my child and not myself and how I parent.  Ultimately, I feel so much more at peace and so much more fulfilled.  


  1. I can see what you mean. When the twins were babies, Facebook wasn't around yet, so I was able to formulate my own parenting philosophies and follow my maternal instincts without being influenced by advice and comparisons from Facebook friends. In retrospect, that really was a blessing!

  2. Thanks, Katie! It is a blessing to just navigate through parenting sort of your own way. I think you are a great mother, and I love love love reading about the boys!

  3. Thanks, I think you're a great mom, too :) And I like the new look of your blog!