Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Tomato Tomahto


It all started Sunday at church with a sermon on Ecclesiastes and The Byrds' song "Turn! Turn! Turn!" The words jumped out at me among all the rest speaking about how there is a time for everything.  There is "a time to speak up and a time to be silent." "For everything, there is a season and a purpose..." 

Then, it weaved its way into my Monday. My mother called to tell me about a segment appearing on Anderson Cooper discussing attachment parenting.  This topic intrigues me even though I've chosen not to adopt any one parenting style.  On the segment, they merely shared different points of view.  Some people were all for the parenting style and others felt that it wouldn't work for them.  However, it sparked debate.  And after watching discussions of these types, I am starting to see past all of the flurry to what's really going on.  Moms are feeling judged and they are "fighting" mostly to be at peace with themselves and their choices.  Because there is somebody somewhere ready and willing to tell these women what they should and shouldn't be doing. I know because I recognized these feelings in myself. And I have come to terms with how I am parenting. I love my child and that is where I am settling it.  Any time I hear harsh words of criticism I remind myself that I love my child and he knows it.  So, I am fine with that.

Next, I remembered something I read last week about having a birth photographer.  People were arguing about whether birth was a beautiful experience worth photographing. On one side, people who did not see birth as a beautiful thing were speaking as if somebody who wanted a birth photographer was crazy.  To this, those in the other camp felt hurt and offended (understandably so) and rose up with harsh comments saying that those who do not see this beauty are "close-minded." To me, both sides were completely in the wrong for their statements. Everyone knows that all people have different personalities. We make our choices based on personality.  Some people are shy and some are outgoing.  Some like it quiet and some feel the need for noise.  And no pushing of your preferences on somebody else is going to change that person's preferences.  We need to be okay with that. For me, I wouldn't want a photographer during labor.  Yes, I see birth as a beautiful thing in its own way, but I remember it enough that I just don't want pictures.  BUT somebody else might and what business is it of mine if she does? None. 


I am seeing people work themselves up into a frenzy because somebody else sees things differently.  This is a complete waste of energy. And here, I am back to my introduction.  There is "a time to speak up and a time to be silent." If some mother is leaving her kids in a hot car with the window rolled up, there is a time to speak up. If somebody else is choosing to let her child sleep in her bed, there is a time to be silent. We do not all need to have the same preferences. Do we consider that some mothers feel better by being with their children?  And telling them that they are "not allowed" to is so silly.  Likewise, there are others who feel drained and need personal time. I am definitely in that camp.  They shouldn't be made to feel bad for wanting just 1-2 hours alone. Ultimately, both people are doing a fine job.  And I think in trying to justify ourselves we start attacking others. Because if everybody just does what we do, we won't ever feel judged or alienated.  Yet, this isn't going to happen and I'm noticing that trying to do it just leads to arguments over the most trivial things.


And for those of you familiar with "Gulliver's Travels," I am reminded of the "Big Endians" and "Little Endians" starting a war over which end of an egg to crack.


I can't help but think of the song "Let's Call the Whole thing Off"
Things have come to a pretty pass, 
Our romance is growing flat,
For you like this and the other
While I go for this and that.
Goodness knows what the end will be,
Oh, I don't know where I'm at...
It looks as if we two will never be one,
Something must be done.

You say eether and I say eyether,
You say neether and I say nyther,
Eether, eyether, neether, nyther,
Let's call the whole thing off!
You like potato and I like potahto,
You like tomato and I like tomahto,
Potato, potahto, tomato, tomahto!
Let's call the whole thing off!
But oh! If we call the whole thing off,
Then we must part.
And oh! If we ever part,
Then that might break my heart!
So, if you like pajamas and I like pajahmas,
I'll wear pajamas and give up pajahmas.
For we know we need each other, 
So we better call the calling off off.
Let's call the whole thing off!

You say laughter and I say lawfter,
You say after and I say awfter,
Laughter, lawfter, after, awfter,
Let's call the whole thing off!
You like vanilla and I like vanella,
You, sa's'parilla and I sa's'parella,
Vanilla, vanella, Choc'late, strawb'ry!
Let's call the whole thing off!
But oh! If we call the whole thing off,
Then we must part.
And oh! If we ever part, 
Then that might break my heart!
So, if you go for oysters and I go for ersters
I'll order oysters and cancel the ersters.
For we know we need each other,
So we better call the calling off off!
Let's call the whole thing off!

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