Savoring the Morning

The best part of waking up is coffee in my cup.  It doesn't have to be Folgers to please me.  This morning, I'm having a pumpkin spice blend from the Fresh Market.  It is delightful!

As a young girl, I used to beg my parents for a few extra minutes in the bath when it was over.  I wanted to lay back, close my eyes, and say "Ahhh Aveeno" due to a popular commercial at the time.  I liked the idea of having the time to sit back and savor peace and relaxation.

Regardless of what I actually have to do in order to get ready for a day,  I always try to give myself extra time in the morning.  In fact, I rarely ever give myself any less than an hour from the time I get up until the time I need to be on my way to where I'm going.  
When living with my parents, I had a green lazy boy chair that I would go to every morning.  With my cup of coffee and perhaps some other breakfast item, I would sit there savoring the morning happily in my chair.  Due to this habit, my parents graciously allowed me to take the chair with me.
I now sit in my seat on a sofa in the morning.  But the idea is the same.  I like to simply sit and enjoy the morning.  Why have a day that is rushed from the start? I showered last night.  My outfit for the day is picked out.  The dogs have been fed and gone over to lay in their respective beds.  I had my savory cup of pumpkin spice coffee plus an english muffin.  And here I am simply loving the fact that there are still at least 20 glorious minutes left before I need to leave.  
Granted, I get this extra time here because I only live 5 minutes from where I work, and I do not need to be there until around 8 am.  So, it isn't too bad at all.  However, no matter what type of commute I have, I still make time for my ahhh Aveeno morning.  

Living in Now

As I was lying down trying to fall asleep last night, I had numerous thoughts swirling through my head.  None of them were good.  I was wrapped up in being upset about some things that I wish I could change right now but can't.  It was so bad that I didn't want to go to sleep to wake up and deal with things the next day.   I wanted my sleep to last.  And then, when I did wake up, to not have to go through any of the issues I am having to endure right now.


Not much longer had I been thinking about all of this (feeling anxious and upset) then a very calming process of thoughts went through my head (much like a conversation).  
"So, where are you right now?"
"In bed."
"Are you comfortable? Are you happy?"
"Well, Yes. But the thing is that tomorrow..."
"Where are you now?"
"In bed, comfortable"
"Will you let the pressures and anxieties of tomorrow interrupt your peace right now?"
"I suppose not."
And I felt so at peace, so relaxed, and so truly happy to focus on the now.  Each time I worried, even a little bit, the question "Where are you NOW?" came into my mind, and I settled into a nice, relaxing sleep.


But before doing that, I apologized to God.  I said I'm sorry for being anxious, because in being anxious I'm not remembering to be thankful for my blessings.  And being upset and worried (even if they are legitimate reasons) only negate the beautiful things that are plentifully around me in life.  I have much to be thankful for and much to be happy with.  


And I thought to myself, "Who is to steal this happiness away from me?" It would make sense that when I have so many things that are great, something would interfere with my peace to keep me from being content with what I have.  


It is hard to push all of the worries of life aside because so many things that happen are easily predictable.  And I often feel like only living in right now and not worrying about tomorrow doesn't make sense because I have to plan for tomorrow.  But the thing is, no matter how many mornings my alarm goes off, I have my cup of coffee, I feed the dogs, I get ready, and I drive to work, I really do not know what will happen in the day.  And I do think it is wrong of me to worry about it because there is so much to be happy with RIGHT NOW! :)

Patti's Perfecto Pesto

Friday night, I made Lee and myself rotini with spaghetti sauce for dinner.  This is a pretty routine meal for us.  We'll have some sort of pasta shell, spaghetti sauce, maybe black olives, mushrooms, artichoke hearts in it, etc.  It is a good meal, but I was starting to feel a bit bored with the same old thing.  So, I looked, saw that I had some basil, and decided to attempt to make a pesto sauce.   I looked up a recipe online.  And, let's just say, it turned out less than satisfactory (okay it was horrible).  However, when mixed in some spaghetti sauce, it was okay.  I still felt like it would be fun to do a home made pesto sauce.  


I was planning on doing chicken breasts for dinner Saturday night (again, one of those same old same old things).  I wanted to change the chicken, and it hit me like a revelation. PESTO CHICKEN! That would be great! But I needed a better recipe for pesto and I didn't want to play around with online recipes.  So, I called Patti who makes some very delicious pesto in order to get the recipe.  After making me say the secret password and swear not to leak the secret family recipe, she gave it to me.  Okay, I must admit she got her recipe out of a cookbook, BUT she makes it so that it tastes great!


I told her that, if it turned out good, I'd blog about it.  So, here I am blogging about it.  The recipe for Patti's Perfecto Pesto (as I will call it from now on)


Step 1:
Four cups of lightly packed, washed, fresh basil leaves.  Note: The leaves are not to be dry. Place in food processor or blender.  I used a food processor.

Step 2: 

Four cloves of fresh garlic crushed (the original recipe calls for two cloves, but Patti uses four and I do think it makes it better). Place in food processor (or blender).

If you're wondering how I got that first picture, those are Lee's fingers in the first photo.  But I did the rest of the chopping of the garlic.

Step 3: 6 sprigs of parsley.  I removed the leaves from the stems and threw them in the food processor.

Step 5: Add 1/2 cup of olive oil. (There won't be pictures for a little while because I got tired of stopping to take pictures)

Step 6: 1/4 teaspoon pepper and 1/4 teaspoon salt.

Step 7: Blend all together until all parts are finely chopped.  

Once all of those items are finely chopped... 

Step 8: Add 1/4 cup of either pine nuts, walnuts, or almonds.  I used pine nuts.  I think the consistency of them is great.  Add these into the blender or food processor and mix again until they are finely chopped. Some pine nuts will not get fully chopped and that's okay. 

Step 9: Remove the contents from the blender or food processor.  I used a spatula for this and it worked well.  Place in a bowl and stir in 1/2 cup of grated parmesan cheese (just regular parmesan from the jar is fine).

Presto! There is your pesto!

NOW.  Part 1 is done.  I was cooking for two, and I'd say if you are cooking for more than 3, you should probably double that pesto recipe.  

Pesto Chicken.

Step 1: Two plain, clean chicken breasts placed in a baking dish.

Yes, these are big pieces.  So, they took a little longer to cook.

Step 2: I used a spatula to spread the pesto sauce on the top evenly. I turned each one over, and then used a spatula to spread pesto evenly on the other side as well.

Step 3: Preheat the oven to 350.  Cover the dish with foil.  I let them sit in the pesto for about 10 minutes. Bake for 20-30 minutes.  I had to bake mine for 30 because they were larger and partially frozen when I started.  Take them out and remove foil.

Step 4: Put them back in the oven uncovered for 10-20 minutes (depending on how done they are the first time).  Mine needed 20 more minutes.  

It may not look that great, but believe me it was.  And I feel like the chicken does not look done in this picture (the lighting was strange), but it was definitely done.

20 minutes covered allows the chicken to absorb the flavors of the pesto sauce.  20 minutes uncovered allows it to get just crispy enough that it adds flavor on the outside.

And, here we are! It was very good.  My camera was being difficult with lighting.  But the pesto chicken was incredibly delicious!

New Hair

Well, my love-hate relationship with my hair came to an abrupt end on Wednesday evening at 6:30 p.m.  Actually, after school, I was talking to my mother and I hadn't been feeling very well.  She suggested that I should perhaps get a hair cut and maybe I'd feel refreshed.  And I honestly agreed with her wholeheartedly.  I actually felt like my long mess of hair was part of what was making me feel very blah.  


I got in my car and drove to a salon that I had been wanting to try out. I asked them if they take walk-ins, and they said that they will if there is enough time.  However, there sadly wasn't enough time for them to do it then (due to the fact that it was after work and that is when EVERYONE wanted an appointment).  So, I scheduled an appointment for Saturday, but I went away feeling disappointed.  I had really been looking forward to a haircut.


I tried looking up other places in my GPS, but I couldn't tell if they'd be any good because I knew nothing about them.  And the last time I had my hair done at a place here that I knew nothing about, I ended up HATING my hair.  I came down here in April or so for an officer's ball.  I wanted a nice, pretty, elegant updo that I couldn't do at home.  So, I found this place called UnKommen that was a UK themed salon.  I booked an appointment, and my hair ended up looking like this.

I wanted something pretty and elegant and I got something that made me feel like a boy.  I'm even getting upset looking at the picture again.  I had gotten this beautiful dress and a drab hairstyle.  I could have done better than that at home.

Anyway, so since I had had such a frustrating experience before, I wasn't taking chances on my hair again.  I went home.  I told my mom I was not going to get my hair done.  She suggested I at least look some places up online, so I did.  I found this place called D'Allen's and it had all ratings of 5 stars.  Everyone loved it there.  I called them and asked if I could please make an appointment.  Fortunately, one stylist agreed to fit me in.  WOOHOO! I was so excited.  She booked me for 6:30.

This left me with some extra time to find the length I wanted.  After googling various hairstyles, I landed on this one.

This was exactly what I felt I wanted! It was not too short, and I felt like a few layers would be a nice change.  Well, I couldn't be more happy with how my hair turned out!  After seeing this picture, my stylist suggested we might even want to try going for a similar color to the girl in the picture.

And, now don't expect me to look LIKE the girl in the picture, but this is how my hair turned out.  I'm very happy with it!

We Get Upset Because we WANT to be Upset

Tonight, I went to get my hair cut (pictures to come later when I'm not so worn-out looking).  I was waiting in the salon for about 10-15 minutes because I got there a little early.  While waiting, I couldn't help but pay attention to a mistake that the receptionist had made.  What happened was two women went to pay for their appointments at the same time.  The receptionist, trying to take care of everyone quickly and help one woman get out the door faster, took two women's cards and then accidentally switched their cards.  As soon as she handed a card to the 2nd woman, the lady caught the mistake.  The receptionist, feeling horrible, ran out to the parking lot trying to catch the lady.  Unfortunately, she was not able to find her in time.  So she then went out of her way to find all of the phone numbers they had on file for the woman.  She called repeatedly.  All the while, the woman waiting with the wrong card was being exceptionally hard on this girl.  She kept loudly proclaiming, "She mixed up our cards" and then telling the girl how easy it would have been to not mix up the cards.  I felt for the girl because she really didn't mean to do it and it was clear she was beating herself up over it.  Combine that with the fact that the customer was beating her up for it as well and, by the end of the night, the girl was totally a mess over this situation.


It was such a small thing.  Anybody could have made that mistake.  And, I was thinking about how it wasn't THAT big of a deal.  If it were me, I'd just call up the bank, cancel my card and request a new one.  It takes a few minutes and then you have a new one within just a few days.  I'd leave the other woman's card at the salon and be on my way.  No biggie.  But I think what made it worse for me to watch was the fact that the receptionist clearly felt bad and was doing everything she could to rectify the situation having this lady treat her like a totally incompetent moron.  


A similar situation happened to me where somebody got upset with me over something that I honestly couldn't control.  A decision that I made, which was in the best interest of another person, ended up being an inconvenience for somebody else.  There was NO WAY I could have known that it would have done anything to anybody else.  And I did everything I could to ensure that I was considerate of everyone involved.  I'm trying to remain vague because I don't want anyone to be judged.  But, anyway, I digress.  An unexpected schedule change ended up causing my action to adversely affect this other person.


The change was last-minute.  I never could have predicted it, and I was wrapped up in taking care of very pressing matters with somebody who really needed my help.  I think what got to me was that I was treated as if I deliberately acted irresponsible in order to make this other person's day more difficult.  I didn't, and I would have tried to find a way to not have their day impacted that way if I had known how.  I kept reexamining it in my head trying to think of what I could have done differently.  And, you know what?  There was NOTHING I could have done.  This person was upset because something inconvenienced them.  There was nobody to blame, and no way to have changed the end result.  But, that FRUSTRATION..what do you do with it?  You have to focus it somewhere, right? Direct it toward whatever or whoever could possibly be blamed so you have some justification for your irritation.


But the fact of the matter is that we all do this.  I have been in traffic when I have gotten so annoyed with people.  And there wasn't anything they could do.  I was upset with the situation, and I didn't want to admit that I was really being quite silly and childish.  We don't like to admit when we really don't act as mature as we should.


So, I've started wondering now what if I took some action to change the way I view my reaction? Instead of saying, "This is so annoying because he or she or it...." I could be saying, "I'm upset because I'm choosing to be." I don't want to say I'm mad at nothing.  Why be so discontented, why? It doesn't change the situation and only makes you bitter.

Hair

I have a love/hate relationship with my hair.  I am prone to wearing it longer as I usually find more things I can do with long hair.  However, I have a point of ultimate frustration with my hair that I have yet to get past.  Once my hair reaches a certain length, I cannot stand it anymore! I can't wear it down because it just irritates me.  So, I start to wear it in a ponytail all the time.  Yet, even then, it grates on my nerves because it starts to weigh the ponytail holder down and I can feel it on the back of my neck.

As you can see, with my hair flipped up over my head, I am currently preparing for my up and coming role as Jungle Woman Raised by Wolves.  And my hair has been so kind to adequately force me into character by making me feel like a wild woman.  Soon after, I will be rehearsing for my next starring role as Pebbles Flintstone.  You don't want to miss it.  I'm sure it will be an Academy Award winner.  Then, following my moving portrayals of Jungle Woman and Pebbles Flintstone, I will be featured in an epic tale as a middle school emo boy who enjoys living life behind a wall of hair.  Yes, my hair is more versatile than I give it credit for.

Oh but I'm sick of it!  I am trying, very patiently, to let it grow because Lee likes me to have long hair.  He has said I don't have to keep it long; however, I feel like now it is a time of trial for my hair and me.  How much longer can I let it remain? Will I wimp out and give in to its unruly nature?

I have gotten plenty sick of it in the past.  There have been times when it got so long that I went to extremes and just chopped it all off.

Though I did like the change at first, I did grow sad with the fact that it was gone.  And I missed the variety of hairstyles that I could come up with when I was lacking the hair for it.  I think that guilt was my hair's secret way of getting revenge on me for taking such drastic measures.

But I have to say that I am at a point tonight where I almost took out a pair of scissors and just started cutting away because I was tired of it.  Fortunately, I came to my senses before I managed to throw myself into the role of Jungle Woman being entirely untamed.

Do not lie to me; Do not lie to yourself

I am not one to become close with people easily and quickly.  For about almost anyone I meet, it takes me quite a few good weeks before I feel comfortable enough to open up to them.  This has nothing to do with an conscious decision I've made; it's just that I find it a waste of time to become close to somebody who does not really want to be my friend.  And I think, to be honest, that most people do not really want to be friends, not really.  Perhaps my perception is skewed; this is simply the experience that I have faced much of the time.  So, this is why I take time to get close to people. Like I said, it isn't that I deliberately make myself do it.  I just automatically feel distanced until I feel I can trust someone.


Once I open up that place in my heart, it is a lasting and strong bond I have with anyone I become close to.  Letting someone be a part of my life for me is something I will not go back on (unless that person betrays me in some way).  The fact of the matter stands that I firmly believe that many people wanting nothing more than a self-serving relationship.  They want somebody who will be there for them--not somebody who they want to be there for.  They want a friend who will make them look good in a superficial way.  They are entirely afraid of being alone.  We all can fear loneliness; yet, there is an extent to which we all must be able to function as individuals because you never know who will or will not be in your life at any given moment.


That said, I experienced a situation recently where I was pretty frustrated and rather dismayed at what I perceived to be the very type of relationship I have just described.  Now, let me preface this with the fact that, when I even begin to feel as though somebody has bad intentions, I immediately distance myself and that person hardly ever hears from me (if ever).  


Well, when I moved here, my first goal was not really to make friends.  It was more to get settled, find my way around and, if I happened to find people who would be friends, GREAT.  If not, that's fine too  I began to attend a few gatherings where, I admit, I provided some contact information.  Because I was really trying to get a feel for if it was something I wanted to be a part of.  Well, experiencing feelings of discomfort or superficiality, I quickly decided that I didn't want to be a part of it.  I never wanted to join a sorority for this reason. Granted, I do have friends from college who I believe are genuine caring people and I think there are exceptions to every situation. I will never become part of any group that resembles a  superficial level of "friendship."  I will be there for my friends whether they pay me or not, whether they write me a "thank you" note or not, whether they r.s.v.p. to an event I host or not, and I know that my real friends will be there for me likewise.  I'm not saying that friendships mean that you treat your friends however you want.  I'm saying that friendship is not contingent on minuscule and insignificant things.  Plus, I do not make friends so that I can have somebody there for me.  That is never my intent.  I make friends because those people are a joy to be around,  they are HONEST and real people, and I can be myself with them.


I have deviated very far from what I was going to say.  So, now I digress.  I have received countless e-mails from this group to whom I provided my contact information. I was only at the group two times way back when I first arrived in the summer.  As soon as I found out that, if I attended any more functions, it would then be expected of me to be involved in everything, that I decided not to do it.  I knew my job was coming up and I knew it would be unfair to me and to them to dedicate myself to something that I didn't have time to dedicate myself to.  Well, now, hundreds of e-mails discussing various events and things have been exchanged between these people, and I have seen them on my e-mail.  Of course, nobody asked me where I was.  I didn't expect them to because I thought it was understood by my absence that I was not going to be a part of it.


Well, an e-mail came out recently about a function discussing things needed for the function.  Soon after, I get a call from somebody saying they'd love to hang out with me and wonders if I've been getting the e-mails (hmmmm..it's been months and now you care?), oh and oh yeah am I coming to the function and could I possibly help with it.  Oh AHA! Now, I get it.  Yes, you want me to help.  Don't tell me you want to hang out, and that you wonder if I have gotten the e-mails, etc. etc. when your point is that you need help.  Yes, maybe you feel guilty that you didn't bother to say anything sooner and you are trying to cushion things with those words, but I feel they are dishonest.  If I have e-mailed somebody many times and never heard back from them and I really wanted to hang out,  I wouldn't wait two months to find out if they were getting my e-mails.  And if somebody really wants something from me, then tell me you want something from me.  That's fine.  I'm actually okay with that.  I just prefer honesty above anything else.