Forgiveness

What exactly is forgiveness?  Do we know?  We like the idea of forgiving because somewhere we know that we want to be forgiven ourselves.  However, I have come to conclude that forgiveness is completely counterintuitive.  I am writing on this because it seems to be acting as a recurring theme for me right now.  I have been around some unforgiving people; I have seen it on television; I have reflected and seen it in myself.


In premarital counseling, our pastor told my husband and myself that if (when) one of us wrongs the other and we choose to forgive, that the subject must never be brought up again.  It is forgiven.  It is gone.  And I know that I would want him to not hold my daily mistakes against me.  Yet, I find myself frustrated with something he does and I don't WANT to let it go.  Please don't misinterpret this as marriage troubles.  This is just common stuff from living with another person.  I do just as many things as he does that I could do better not to do, but I know there are just little things I want to "fix" every now and then. 


Ephesians 4:32 is one of many famous verses discussing this topic saying "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other."  And there are numerous other verses that say "forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another."  Because that is what binds people together in love and unity.  Unforgiveness   divides people and only creates a hardened and bitter heart.


I can't really explain why I am writing on this right now except to say that I am finding myself frustrated with unforgiveness.   In fact, it is to the point that not forgiving somebody to me seems like an uglier and greater offense than the original wrong that was done.  It is as if we are trying to be even and in doing so we turn ourselves into something useless.  What good are we to others if we are just going to be angry? I cannot produce much when my heart is harboring bitterness and anger.  Because then I am only worrying about myself and how I feel.


There are numerous things that I could find to be angry about every day.  On Monday, there was traffic backed up so far that it took me 30 minutes to go 3 miles.  I was annoyed to say the least.  I especially get upset when I get treated in a way that I feel I don't deserve.  I could be completely nice and caring toward somebody and yet they throw back insults at me.  Or they don't reciprocate the same things to me that I would like to receive in return for kindness.  What is that, though? That is anger and bitterness.  None of that is needed.  It is like allowing weeds to grow in a flower garden.  Why let it happen?  It will choke out the abundance of crop that there is.


But forgiveness is counterintuitive as I said before.  At least, I believe that true forgiveness is.  It requires vulnerability and humility.  It demands forgetting about yourself.  We feel that if we put ourselves in that position we will be hurt.  If I just let go, it will be like a boomerang and whatever I let go of will come back and hit me in full force.  Okay?  So, what if it does?  Will that be worse than the anger and resentment that the heart is suffering from? 


I have to literally lay my life down in order to truly forgive.  The thing is that there is something so freeing about forgiveness when it does occur.  We become stronger through forgiveness than through bitterness.  We empower others to feel encouraged.  Our lives are a fertile ground that can be harvested to help others...not a weed patch overgrown with our own frustrations.

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH KIDS TODAY

Again and again, I have heard the same complaints from teachers about kids.  Myself included will make comments about students that we are SURE were not true for us in our day.  Kids are so much worse.  They are so much more disrespectful.  And we are so worried about them not being able to do certain things because they can't do things that we could do at their age.


Okay now let's grind this to a halt.


Are we REALLY so POSITIVELY CONVINCED about this?  I am going to go through a chronological reflection and see what we can conclude at the end?


TEACHER complaint #1
THEY HAVE NO RESPECT AT ALL.


We are in the year 2010


1968 Bye Bye Birdie "What's the Matter With Kids Today?"



1967- "To Sir with Love"  This is a movie about a young teacher in Britain dealing with a class of disrespectful, careless students.  They challenged him in every way showing utter defiance.

1985 "The Breakfast Club" A movie about some miscreants who get together for being in detention.  It focuses entirely on their defiant behavior.

1995- "Dangerous Minds"  This is another movie about a teacher challenged with kids who do not want to listen to anybody.  She enters the classroom to a room full of students on desks, putting on make up, chewing gum, and determined to do anything they can to drive her away.

2007- "Freedom Writers" Almost anyone will know the point behind this one.  Kids who seem unreachable even go to the point of walking out of the classroom because they hate the teacher so much are enriched by the difference she makes.

Now for some personal experiences.

My mother, when she started teaching, was in a room FULL of students who had gotten rid of their other teachers and were trying to do anything to get rid of her.

When my mother's cousin started teaching, a student threatened to cut her face.  She quit.

A teacher in the county I'm working for now is in her 30th year.  She said her first year, the students said, "We've gotten rid of 5 teachers. You'll be number 6."  She left 8 years later, but wasn't number 6.

ARE KIDS ANY RUDER than they once were?  Perhaps WE were not aware of how rude and disrespectful WE could be as students.  Now that we are adults, we just know better.

TEACHER complaint #2
KIDS TODAY ARE SO LAZY! They want to write in text language.  They want to use a computer for everything.  They can't even use a library.


Granted, kids should get exercise and not always be attached to a computer or video game.  BUT this is for another point.


Are they really just lazy because they talk in text language and typically use computers for all of their research?


If somebody is BORN into a certain environment, how can you blame them for not doing what you did?  Should our ancestors blame us for not dipping a feather pen into ink to write?  We have found ways to be more efficient over time.  


To me, the fact that they can talk in text language AND understand all of it, shows a great deal of intelligence.  


I don't have a chronological order of movies for this one (sorry to disappoint), but I can show a chronological order of how methods of communication have changed.


Letter writing, feather pen and yellow paper
Type writer
Computer


Original rotary telephone dialing the operator for assistance

Home telephones rotary then the advanced touch-tone telephone

LARGE old school cell phones and car phones (they were high technology!)

And of course our cellular telephone technology has advanced to touch-screens, small phones, computer phones, iphones, and almost anything you could imagine.  We can't BELIEVE kids have cell phones and many of them probably don't need them.  The fact of the matter is, it is the culture today and it is as common now as land lines were years ago.


TEACHER COMPLAINT #3
KIDS TODAY JUST AREN'T WHAT THEY WERE


This could really encompass both of the other ones, but it also details other random things that we see as different.  They seem to dress differently, although many things are just coming back from the past.  They do their hair in ways that make no sense to us (I still don't know why you'd want a chunk of hair falling into your eyes so you can't see).  They don't say  "yes sir" and "no ma'am" like they used to.


Obviously, there are changes.  But again, ARE THEY WORSE? Or is it just not YOU?


KIDS! Why can't they be like we were PERFECT IN EVERY WAY?!? 


I'll side with "Bye Bye Birdie"


No, nothing's a matter with kids today.

New Year; New Challenges

LIFE...comes at you FAST! And you never know what to expect!

I haven't written a blog in a long time.  It isn't because I haven't had anything to write about.  In fact, it's actually the other way around.  I have so much to write about that, if I was blogging, I'd probably be writing 2-3 a day! I am in the midst of many changes.  School starts tomorrow and, as everyone knows, I'm teaching high school.  I'm excited and nervous at the same time.

Last week, I was dreading the start of school.  I wasn't ready because I felt like as soon as I got to relax (after the move and many changes), I had to start work again.  Yet, after being at school for teacher work week, I feel totally ready for those kids tomorrow.  I'm going to be working with some great, fun people who make the environment positive.

I thought maybe I'd feel nervous with high schoolers.  After all, I was just working with 6th graders and even then some of them were a handful.  BUT it's funny because high schoolers are actually just a little bit more balanced.  They were all at the school the other day for verification and every kid I met (even the ones without parents around) were very respectful and together.  Yes, I know there will be many who won't be that way; however, I do think it will be refreshing to be around students who think on a little bit of a higher level. I'll get a little bit more mental stimulation.

That said, if I am ever in need of a job, I will still go straight for middle school.  I prefer the freedom of the middle school curriculum and the fun things you can do at that level.  Often, high school is so "academically" focused.  Listening the the conversations of other teachers at this school, I don't think it's this way here.  And I'm sure there are other teachers the same way.  I'm just saying I still feel more comfortable with teaching strategies in middle school.

I'm ready for the kids, though.  They will have more attitude at times.  No teacher feels like dealing with attitude.  And kids often don't realize that their bad attitude and unwillingness to work is only hurting themselves.  If they knew how much it was only working against them, they wouldn't do it.  But they think they are proving something.

My GOALS and challenges to myself for this year are:

1.) Find ways to show the students how reading and writing well HELP MAKE LIFE EASIER

2.) Pull kids out of their comfort zone into an area of increased self-confidence

3.) Don't let any kid's size, be it attitude size or physical size, be an intimidation factor

4.) PUT myself in THEIR shoes; try to see things the way they do.  Because it doesn't matter how I see things.  I won't get anywhere without trying to understand them.

And actually, this is going to lead into another blog today. It's something else I've been wanting to write about and I can't resist right now! :)

Household Chores

One of my husband's e-mail accounts requires the use of 9 questions about yourself that you must answer 3 of before logging in.  One of the questions is "What is your least favorite household chore?"  I won't disclose my husband's answer; however, the question got me thinking about my own answer.  

My least favorite chore, by far is doing the dishes! I despise doing the dishes even if I do have a dishwasher.  You'd think it would be ridiculous for me to dread doing the dishes with it being as simple as it is; yet, I am so disgusted by the whole process of it.  I can't completely identify the exact reason I don't like it.  Part of it may be that I was always stuck with the worst part of doing the dishes growing up.  My sister was clever and strategically made her way to the sink to load the easy dishes in the dishwasher first (e.g. glasses, forks, plates, bowls) so that I had the lovely job of scrubbing the pots and pans that were left behind. Of course, when I had to start my job, everyone else was in the family room watching television.  It wasn't exactly enticing.  I also dislike doing the dishes because my hands get nasty doing them and feel gross for a long time afterwards.  I am not going to wear rubber gloves every time I need to wash dishes.  That's too much of a hassle.  Anyway, like I said, I don't know the reason reason.  I can only speculate.  But the fact of the matter stands that I hate doing dishes.

One the flip side, my favorite household chore is taking out the trash! Ha! You'd think it would be the other way around.  It could be that I like getting that nastiness OUT of the house.  Staring at a full trash can is frustrating anyway because it's gross.  And I actually really like taking out the trash.  In college,  when I lived in a dorm I remember that I loved volunteering to take out the trash, and that still hasn't changed.  The only time I didn't like this chore was in my old apartment, but that was because it was very hard for me to get the bag down the stairs.  I don't have that issue here and I am, once again, eager to do it.


As for the other chores,  I'd rank them like this in order of least favorite to favorite.


#7 Steam Cleaning the Carpets-  The steam cleaner intimidates me because there are so many parts to it and you constantly have to empty out the dirty water and refill it.  I also don't care for having wet carpets that I have to wait for to dry.  Ewww. 

#6 Vacuuming- This is one of those jobs that's kind of in the middle.  I don't mind vacuuming, and it isn't that much of a hassle.  The only issue I run into with vacuuming is the dog.  As soon as the vacuum is plugged in, the dog is on high alert! Haha!

#5 Cooking dinner-  This one is also in the middle.  I enjoy actually cooking the dinner, but I dislike the mess that has to be cleaned up from it! Haha! I have to say I generally like this one though because I don't know if the mess that comes from cooking dinner is actually considered part of this chore (I'll put that one in with doing the dishes maybe). ;)

#4 Folding and putting away towels and clothes-  This is not a bad job.  It's just that it gets time-consuming when there's a lot of laundry that has just been done.

#3 Cleaning the bathrooms-  I like cleaning the bathroom because it's so simple.  All it takes is windex, some form of scrubbing bubbles or similar product, paper towels, and maybe a sponge.  I have no problem taking on this chore.

#2 Doing Laundry-  This one is something I like because fresh clothes are better than smelly ones!  I love the feel and smell of freshly dried clothing. :) 

#1 Making the Bed- Others may argue that I have a problem with this one because I don't do it often.  I actually find making the bed pretty easy and painless.  I just don't do it very often because it honestly doesn't make very much sense to me.  I have never understood why I should make my bed if I am just going to mess it up later in the day.  Again, though, I really don't mind it or have a problem with it when I do make it.  And I certainly never dread doing it.

Does anybody else out there have a least favorite or favorite household chore? Am I leaving any chores out? I have a feeling that I am, but oh well.  I think I covered the basic ones.  Now I have a sudden urge to vacuum....

Be the Tree That You Were Meant to Be

Children are so care-free and happy.  This blog has been inspired by a picture of my friend's baby that I was just looking at.  Her baby is overjoyed and smiling a big, joyful smile.  Eyes are squinted, all of her upper and lower teeth are showing a brilliant smile.  You can see in her that she doesn't know or care what anyone thinks of her.  She just is who she is an it is beautiful.  I placed the picture above of my sister and myself when we were young.  I was so into my ice cream that I didn't even know a picture was being taken! Oddly enough, we're sitting in front of a picture of a tree.

Teaching middle school, I see a lot of changes happen.  I honestly can say that middle school is one of the most heart-breaking times to experience.  I hated it when I went through it and it hurts me to see things happen to the students I work with.  They often come into the 6th grade just being themselves not even knowing how they appear to other people or how others are judging them.  Then, slowly, year by year, they learn that to make friends you have to look a certain way and act a certain way.  And, even then, you aren't guaranteed real friends.  You are just guaranteed people who will be around you mostly for their own personal gain.  They want to be friends with the person who is popular because that might make THEM popular.  I hate watching people lose themselves to other people because of how lonely it might be for them not to.  Those who are daring enough to be themselves are often outcasts.

We start out as a tree.  Children, to me, appear to be beautiful trees. 

The world is literally their world! And they have no worries about branching out as who they are.  They will play games and put on voices.  They will laugh heartily at things they think are funny.  And they just don't know better or what else the world is all about.  For them, everything is as they see it.  To an extent, that is a fantastic thing, because they are just being what God made them to be.

Then, as we get older, we become more in tune with the world around us.  

Sometimes, it is through observation.  Other times, it comes from somebody coming out and saying "that's weird" or "you can't be my friend if."  There are also things that we do because we learn more about being considerate and realizing that life isn't all about you and your world.  This is where the trouble begins.  We start allowing and having to prune ourselves because pruning is important; yet, it is how and where to do it that becomes fuzzy.  We don't know how to deal with things.  People tell you what to do and who to be.

So, you start adapting more.  You make yourself what you think you ought to be.  But more people keep telling you what to be.  And so you adjust more and more because nobody wants to be an outcast and nobody wants to be "weird"

There! You are now a trunk! Those branches weren't necessary anyway.  They were just getting in the way of you being accepted and liked by others.  Besides, beneath it all, everyone is just a trunk anyway.  So, now, you fit in perfectly! Nobody can say anything to you about you being strange because there is nothing left to criticize.  But is it pleasant being a trunk?  What about those beautiful branches and leaves that once flowed freely and happily with the breeze?

Well, there is no time to think about that because there are too many other things to worry about.  And you really don't want to be alone in the world.  At least you are surrounded by others now.  You know you have people you can depend on....or people who want to depend on you.  And the more you give in to what people want you to be and tell you to be, the more (without realizing it) you allow them to cut away YOU.  Until all that you are left as is a stump.

At least you are useful, right? Hmmm...but sad that you really miss the days of being able to be yourself.  You miss the person you once were.  What if you had never changed for anything?

There are some adults who stop caring and just do whatever they want to do or feel like.  Unfortunately, that's not a pretty picture either.

They become a wild, overgrown mess that is neither pretty to look at nor of any use to anyone.  To be useless to others and unproductive to anybody but yourself is only a deficit.

So, what are we to do? Have you felt, as I have felt, that you have allowed yourself to be cut away at too much?  I have seen it happen too much.  I cannot stand to see children lose themselves.  Just because you are an adult doesn't mean that the you that was so vibrantly there as a child has to be gone.  

I think, for me, I am finding that if I care about what the Lord wants and understand that there will be people who reject me for who I am, I am okay.  Because then I will prune as a necessity so that I am not self-absorbed and useless.  However, I have not allowed people to run me over to the point of feeling like and being nothing but a stump.  The great thing about humans, unlike trees, is that we have the ability to go back and bring the beautiful tree back that we may have once lost.

Psalm 1:2 He is like a tree planted by streams of water, 

       which yields its fruit in season
       and whose leaf does not wither.
       Whatever he does prospers.

Product Review: Grapefruit FRESH!

Neutrogena has come out with a new line of cleansing products featuring the grapefruit.  I have tried a variety of facial and other cleansers only to find them pretty disappointing.  I was using a cleanser from Neutrogena before this that did almost nothing for my skin. I even tried Proactiv before only to break out in a horrible rash from it.

So, needless to say, I'm a little reticent when it comes to facial cleansers.  My skin is so particular that it either breaks out more, does nothing, or becomes dry, flaky, and itchy. However, something about the grapefruit appealed to me, although I can't say exactly what it is.  

Last week, I got this horrible under-the-skin blemish that led me to decide I had to find a face wash that would work for me.  I went to the store and purchased the new Neutrogena Pink Grapefruit collection.  

As soon as I tried it, I was beyond impressed! First of all, I can feel it cleansing as I am washing my face.  Second, I love the grapefruit smell.  It is so enticing that I actually get excited about washing my face!  I've been using this cleanser for over a week now and have nothing but good things to say about it.

First, I use the exfoliating cleanser. 

This left my face feeling fresh! And it isn't harsh at all.  It gently exfoliates the outer layer of skin, which is great for my skin type.  Exfoliating scrubs are usually the reason my skin ends up dry and flaky because the beads are too rough.  These are soothing get effective.

Second, I dry my face with a wash cloth.  I wet it again and then I apply the regular face wash.

I LOVE this one because it is so smooth! And the grapefruit smell is so fresh.  After exfoliating, it leaves my skin feeling soft.  

After using both of these products together, I have noticed vast improvements in the condition of my skin.  The large under-the-skin blemish was gone within two days.  The rest of my face is shiny and clear! Go Neutrogena Pink Grapefruit!

The only product out of this line that I wasn't that impressed with was the Body Clear Body Wash.

The body wash actually ended up causing breakouts for me more than anything else. Two out of three isn't bad though.  

Still, I would recommend the face wash to anyone...in case anyone is interested. :)

One Thing at a Time

When the movers brought our things to Georgia, it looked like the world's worst hurricane  came through this house.  I was completely and utterly overwhelmed by all of our things.  One of the movers joked with me as he was about to walk out the door, "You won't be straight for a week."  Little did I know he was actually being nice.  They brought the things in the middle of June and I am still going through and organizing.


I WISH I'd taken before pictures, so people could understand the monstrosity of a mess I was dealing with.  Still, I was not alone in dealing with this.  My husband jumped right in and we tackled the majority of it together. 


Plus, he's naturally a better organizer than I am.  I have to stare at something for about an hour to figure out what the best way to organize it would be.  He just starts going and BAM it's organized.  I'm jealous.  I told him I'd like to take an organizing class so I could be faster with it and he said, "Just join the army." Ha! 


Anyway, so we basically organized to the point of making the space we live in the most..well..livable.  He picked up some of the heavy boxes that I couldn't lift and took them out to storage or up to the spare bedroom so that we could sort through them later.  Our kitchen and living room were in order, and that was the most pressing at the time.


However, we were then left with the guest bedroom being full of boxes and random things.  Now, I am sure he would have gone through the bedroom with me.  Yet, being at home all day by myself, I decided it was time to get it CLEAN and ORGANIZED!  I was going crazy just looking at it.  Plus, I felt like it was a danger zone walking in there (I don't have a real picture so just imagine it's like the one below).  

I began by taking maybe an hour a day to go through a few things in there and throw away, put up, or organize them.  It felt good even though I'd only made small dent.  I knew that when I walked in there, the room was just a little bit cleaner than it was before.  Well, the other day I took Amber to Petsmart to get a bath and while I was waiting for her, I went next door to one of my favorite stores...TARGET!  I bought some lovely sets of sheets and a comforter to put on the spare bedroom bed and that was the magic wand that got me OVERHAULIN'!

I came home and faced the room like it was my arch rival.  Inside I felt I'll never get this done but outside I was determined.  I really didn't know what to do first.  So, decided that I would pretend the rest of the boxes weren't there and simply focus on one tub of items in front of me.  I had my large black trash bag to my left, a box for Goodwill donations to my right, and everything else would find a place in this house.  I was tossing things out, placing them in the donation bin, and organizing the rest.  Well, it seemed that one little box turned into another little box.  And I started to find that I had more room.  So, I set up a little office space for me in the room.  And I set up another table plus a futon.  And before I knew it I looked up and somehow the entire room had gotten organized! I didn't know who did all of that work but I had 2 full trash bags and 6 broken down empty boxes to throw out.  Plus, I had a large box of things to donate. 


I looked at the clock and it had taken me two hours.  But it felt like it was no time at all.  All I did was take it one thing at a time.  Right now, I only have to move two boxes of my school things from that room into storage and have my husband help me take an extra box spring that is in the room to Goodwill and the room will be totally done.  I'll take a picture when it is totally ready.